darshan

Vermont is so beautiful, regardless of rain, sun or snow. The trees hover so gracefully over the earth in this part of the world, like there's simply no rush to do anything but just be, which is what I was so excited to do this past week for Anusara's Grand Circle and Wanderlust.  Just. Be.

I love teaching yoga, but I also love being a student. A fully attentive, tell-me-what-to-do student of asana where I don't have to think about sequencing, themes, weaving, assisting, room lighting or temperature, or anything. I just simply get to be taught, guided, inspired, intrigued, challenged and absorbed fully into the teachings as they emerge through my body-breath connection. Glorious. 

So off I went, car load of yogis blasting Bruce Springsteen on satellite radio (heaven!!) for our 4+ day adventure. I dub these events "Anusara Love-Fests" cause they are exactly that - a chance to reconnect to the very essence of what surges through each of us as our sap: Love. That's all it is. That's what we all go for, and even lust after; its love love and more love.

So Anu-Lust (credit to the ever witty Aimee B for that one) began with a 3 hour practice with
John Friend, subsequent classes each morning, and additional classes each afternoon with a variety of great certified teachers, many I've been on the path with for nearly 10 years. We gathered this year at a special time as well, to celebrate the suns path in the sky and its peak at the Solstice. Yes, there was clearly magnetic power in the air and we were gathering to it, through John, the music (Todd Boston among others), the teachings, and each other. 

What clears each and every time I gather with John and the kula is my darshan, or vision. It shifts to become less skewed, and more clear. This always informs my practice as a spiritual one, as I'm able to see through the top layer of the world into its essence with greater ease. Its like an experience you get when you come out of a great practice or deep meditation and your mind has become rearranged to such a degree that whatever was there a short time prior pulling you, nagging at you, worrying you, is gone. What clears is then the experience you receive as darshan, a vision or view of the Divine. It's always there you see, it's never not been there for you to see, only now, after practice it opens. What swells inside from this opening is exactly what we lust after, the undeniable experience of our hearts expanding with a feeling of love, gratitude, ease, and joy.

John has mastered his ability to be a magic wand for this experience to happen - he's not magic per se, but he's become quite the expert in becoming a lightening rod for the shakti. He channels it, and he doesn't bring it to us, he brings us up to it.  Every person in the room rearranges in an energetic way to such a degree that it is so palpable. Then you look over to the person next to you, behind you, in front of you and they look a little more defined, yet softer.  Blood and circulation flow, breath is clear, anticipation and excitement partner with a subtle sense of everything-is-okay. The shakti rises. If we were to define this shakti with one word, one quality, it would be Love. The default in the absence of all other emotions or qualities that could define an experience of being opened and having dust cleared off your eyes, we could simply say Love rises.

And that's what I feel today. Home, with my kitties, the faces in class this morning were a bit more vivid, the light in their eyes more defined, the trees look extra green. I feel love.

embodying Lara Croft

The streets were super crowded when I got out at Rock Center, and I hadn't been to the middle of the island in quite a while. I'd forgotten the magical array of people, sights, and sounds that attract so many from around the world to this great city. Including the yogis last weekend to the Yoga Journal Conference. The conference is a yoga party reunion for many, and a weekend crash course in all things yoga and yoga related. Then there's the yoga 'stuff' - The Marketplace. I have a history in retail, so I'm attracted to the gathering of stuff for sale and display. The first thing you were greeted with in this years Marketplace was a free lululemon photoshoot. That's right! You too can be a yoga model! It was quite awesome though, and supplied all that infectious lululemon spirit.

My favorite booth is always my favorite booth, and I am sure every time to visit. I go for darshan.  It's a sanskrit word that means 'vision of the Divine', and I pay homage to the 330 million with darshan at the murti booth with Manoj. Manoj mans the booth and has been a steadfast figure in the Anusara community for many years, and he brings this incredible selection of Hindu murtis (statues) on tour with John several times a year. They're really amazing. Some are upwards of 3' tall, some fit in the palm of your hand, and he's got every size in between. Some of these versions of deity are rarely seen here in the US, and having gone to India in 2008 and visited a murti maker, Manoj truly does have some of the most unique offerings I've seen here. They're not cheap mind you, but importing from India isn't cheap.

I did make a new purchase this time - a meditating Hanuman. Exquisite. Sublime. His eyes half open in meditative state while he sits under a bodhi tree and his tail, which is none other than his shakti or creative readiness, is wrapped around his mace sitting by his side. He's ready to leap into action at any moment, yet sits quiet, with only Love in his heart, and that is in the image of Ram. He's really exquisite, and came to life for me 2 or 3 years ago when I first laid eyes on him. So I brought him home.

Manoj also had a gorgeous vision of Durga. She's the goddess known as "difficult going" or "the one who can redeem in situations of utmost distress" (Wikipedia on that one).  Upon seeing the one Durga he had this time I realized she is another of my ishta devata's (your favorite deity). Then I heard Manoj tell a likely buyer of Durga's tale. She is a svatantrya goddess with 8 arms (sometimes 10), born from the will of the other gods and goddesses when they needed help in destroying an asura (demon) wreaking havoc on the three worlds. Each of the gods endowed Durga with one of their weapons; Hanuman gave her his mace, Shiva gave his trident, Ganapati his noose, Indra a thunderbolt, and so on. She's loaded, with none other than the very thing each of these gods do best. Lucky girl.  But the best part of the story to me was what Lakshmi, the goddess of abundance and beauty, gave Durga. Lakshmi gave Durga her face. Her stunningly beautiful and content presence would then be the first thing the demon encountered. I envisioned her then like Angelina Jolie as Lara Croft. Hot, and armed.  Lara Croft is a mythological character herself, known for not just being hot and athletic, but willing to research the darkest and most ancient tombs and ruins. Yup, that's Durga.

Embodying Durga or any deity means you meditate on them, and contemplate their energy. Deity worship is simply like understanding different aspects of the human condition, as they are archetypes of emotion. Durga is who you need when you're challenged deeply by something , and need to conjure up your hidden abilities. Each of the god's gifted weapons represent these kind of hidden aspects of our own abilities, and they are as close as your own fingertips.

She's a svatantrya goddess which translates to mean "freely existing", like, its always there on its own. Her charm as Lakshmi, which is always freely existing, is just as freely existing in each of us.  We can't just charm our problems away of course, but we can remember we're more equipped to deal with them then we think. We become Lara Croft, and jump into the darkness with the tools to deal.

in teg ri ty

in.teg.ri.ty:   /ɪnˈtɛgrɪti/ Show Spelled[in-teg-ri-tee] 

–noun

1.

adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.

2.

the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished: to preserve the integrity of the empire.

This word has come up a lot in the NY yoga world lately.  Not sure if it's having such a popular come back in other states or communities, but it's like, the word of the year here.  It's a good thing to be thinking about, and a lot of us perhaps take for granted the meaning and implications of the what it means to have integrity.  

In basic yogic principles we first see this taught as the Yamas and Niyamas, the ethical principles of living a yogic life written in discourse by Patanjali, some few thousands of years ago.   These are seen as the 'abc's' of yoga; do these first, and in order, and you'll be on the pathway to and more likely to reach samadhi, or enlightenment.  I remember my teacher  saying that these are like the laws of adulthood, and by the time you reach actually becoming a practicing yogi, you better have those things in order.  

I love this second definition of 'integrity' above, grabbed right off dictionary.com: 

The state of being whole, entire, or undiminished 

This is what we always call in anusara, purnata, or 'full'.  Its like saying your worth as a great being is assumed. We start this way, and we will end this way.  The question of yoga is  are you upholding yourself to it by living it.

I was totally called out recently for not living up to my word.  Although it was a hard conversation to have, everyone came out unscathed, there was no blood shed, not even any tears.  Maybe that's a sign of maturity on my part and the other person's, and though scary it was doable and necessary.  I learned.  Immediately from that conversation, I learned. I learned that its my responsibility if I don't understand instructions or duties, to ask for clarity.  I learned to simply follow through and take all commitments as serious as I do the most important one's in my life.  Just to name a few.

What I appreciated most from that difficult conversation was the woman speaking to me had what I would call integrity; both in her reasons for speaking to me, and how she spoke to me.  It was just flat out appropriate.  She used what I have recently discovered comes from Sufi folklore called "The Gates of Speech", and it goes like this:

An old Sufi tradition advises us to speak only after our words have managed to pass through four gates. At the first gate, we ask ourselves, "Are these words true?" If so, we let them pass on; if not, back they go. At the second gate we ask; "Are they necessary?" At the third gate we ask; "Are they beneficial?" and at the fourth gate, we ask, "Are they kind?" If the answer to any of these is no, then what you are about to say should be left unsaid.

I first learned the Gates of Speech in TT with Amy nearly 10 years ago, and I do my best to uphold these principles.  They've been quite useful in teaching me the hardest one, which is speaking kindly.  It means to speak kindly inside as well as outside, to yourself and to others and about others.  In my terrible habit of self depreciating thoughts, I wasn't following the Gates of Speech, and also had a habit of shit-talking others. Yuck. Its been really cool to keep this practice going, and empowering to see I can change.  I'm waaaaay more careful now with my matrika.

But the Gates are also a plea against gossip, of all kinds, especially under "are these words necessary?".  Like, do you really need to be talking about that? With her/him?  Even if they are true, and you're speaking kindly.  You still have to pass through the 4th Gate, "is it beneficial?".  Well, is it?

On the other hand, lets say you have a friend in your community, you've shared a room with them here and there at yoga events and car rides, some intimate discussions about past loves, even deep old wounds, alongside laughter, support and general "you go!"-ness.   Do you tell him or her some difficult news that you know will benefit them, you know it's true, yet the challenge is to find the right time, and the right words so it comes out kind?  This is sometimes where we can fall off the integrity train by not saying anything. Let it slide into "It's not my responsibility".  Well, why isn't it?  We're activists for so many other things in life, so why not be an activist for helping someone else stand firm in their integrity?

I'm loving the 2nd definition of integrity from above, and I'll state it again:

The state of being whole, entire, or undiminished 

No matter what, each one of us begins this way and ends this way.  Mistakes will be made, apologies and forgiveness can be found, lessons can be learned, and wounds can be healed.  Its etched into our moral code, which is really our dna. The yoga is, do you create it and adhere to keeping yourself and those around you etched in it too?  Can you step into the first definition of integrity by remembering the second? To me, the second definition is the true meaning, the first listed definition is how to do it. We all deserve it.  The deeper implications live inside kula's definition: 'herd of cows', 'assemblage', 'flock'... it means community.  We're in this together and can and should have each others' back to uphold the integrity of the flock. In Anusara we define it sweetly as 'the community of the heart' and 'the company you choose to keep'.  To keep good company means to be good company.  Living with honesty connected to your own and others inherent worth will make you speak in the right place at the right time to the right people. 

Do you want to hang out with yourself?  That's a good question to ask.

holding the midline

I have another confession to make.  Aside from not having been a regular meditator,  I have a hard time holding my ground for extended periods of time, and I find it to be such a pain in the ass.   Emotionally and spiritually,  I loose ground, forget easily my Greatness, just like everyone else.  While it's the whole concealment-and-revelation game, or hide and seek, that Consciousness in its perfection likes to play with us, it is a pain in the ass to feel awful on those days.  I've also blamed it on hormones, too much coffee, on New York living, on winter - the reality of those things certainly contributing, and I’ve done all of that.   Others sometimes just label me ‘moody’, or ‘vata’, (love me anyway?).  It is an example though of one of the challenges of finding your ‘core’, and that’s staying in it. 

I love my practice of yoga and what it brings to my daily life, but the real practice is staying in it longer than just being on the mat.  We all struggle with this.  Paul, my meditation teacher, always describes meditation in this way:  It’s not just about the quality of the meditation itself, but the quality of your awareness after and between meditations.  Can you hold the awareness of the nectar you find in meditation, rest in it,  and let it flavor your daily life ‘off the mat’ ?  That’s the real yoga.

I think that’s the biggest difference between the living Masters and us. What they have is the ability to hold center all the time.  Not even just most of the time, but  somewhere between most and all.  That’s a lot of the time.  They’re human we know, and experience all the emotions any human could, but the difference is whether or not they are soft like ghee and let it pass through, or strong like a diamond when needed and press it away.  And even then, the teachings they offer, no matter what tradition, kinda say the same thing.  The center, or core, is a place of paradoxical absorption that is transparent and fluid, yet reliably solid as a diamond.

In Anusara® yoga, one of the ways we teach students to find this part of their core is by hugging the midline.   Muscular energy to the midline is the principle action we teach, and John Friend (the founder of Anusara) describes it as where you find “Diamond core strength”.  The shushumna nadi is the central channel of the 72,000 energetic and vibrational lines of energy that run through the entire body, and this central channel is said to hold the strongest vibrational charge of who you are.   It’s both solid and reliable, the center that never wavers; yet smooth, you can see through it, allows clarity of vision and fluid thought.   I find it, all the time!  Then loose it, all the time.  Ah, back to the cushion, back to the mat.

Inversion timings are how I help build physical consistency to the core.  I’ll time 1 minute each of handstand and pincha (forearm stand) against the wall, and 5 minute headstand in the middle of the room.  I aspire to 3 minutes each of hand and forearm stand, and 10 minutes of headstand (I've done 7).  Regardless of how I do each time I practice, I manage to connect to that reliable center while being soft at the same time.  Challenging to hold, but when I do, I feel that same sense of calm confidence post meditation. 

The on going practice of meditation, twice daily, creates a consistency of my awareness that I never had before.  It’s been quite amazing to palpably feel a sense of calm and quiet throughout the day when I’ve done my meditation.  It’s like everything looks different, my senses take the world with a softness.  Truth be told, the subways are also more annoying and feel extra loud since my senses are so attuned, but hey, I plug my ears and deal. 

Truth also be told that I’m not trying to be like one of the living Masters.  I don’t have to be in my center all of the time.  I think the quality of my life’s experiences, both what comes in, how I deal, and what I contribute to life may improve though if I stay in center more of the time than I do, which is what inspired me to find a meditation teacher.  It’s working, and I’m sticking with it.  That’s me holding onto my core.

stambha

Happy Everything! We’re all basking in the post-eclipse and post-solstice darkness, and this year I’m finally okay with.  I usually fight this time of year, resist having to be inside so much and get super restless and bored.  What’s different for me this year is that I meditate.  I am finally unafraid of the steady darkness inside myself, and have discovered I kinda like it in there.

I know as a certified teacher I’m supposed to have a regular meditation practice, but to be honest, up until a year ago I didn’t.

I never really had a teacher show me how to do it, and talk about what really happens when you meditate, and include the entire spectrum of  possibilities.  Like some days you really will be thinking about what’s for dinner, or replaying that conversation in your head, or wondering if the timer is about to go off.  Other days it’s a glorious light show, a trip to end all trips when my awareness skims along the surface only briefly, then dips deep to adjust itself and align to the core of my consciousness, where it truly rests.  Yes, that happens too.

In February, I complete a year long course with Kashmir Shaivite and Sanskrit scholar Paul Muller-Ortega called Blue Throat Yoga which has transformed the core of my asana practice to share the seat with meditation.  It is a practice that my teacher calls ‘adult spirituality’, and it’s mine to create as I please.  This past year has been dedicated to creating and sustaining a practice he also calls ‘stambha’, sanskrit for “central pillar of support” in the form of a regular sit-down twice daily.  He has taught me that through this regularity of practice, I can more actually have an experience of my core.  My core being the stambha itself, or central pillar that is my consciousness.  And the funny thing is that once you get there, it almost has no characteristics, no particular qualities, and it is almost outside of time and place.  Yet even through the various ways and days of experiencing it, you kinda want to keep going back there.

I have been adding more meditation to my classes as well, and students are grateful for the chance to really sit with themselves, even if it’s difficult.  The ultimate vortex is deep inside, made up entirely of every cell, tissue, muscle, bone, thought, word, tone, touch, and breath.  Yet the way to really touch it or have an experience of it is to rest all those active forms of it, to feel it simply pulsate.

In my practice of Anusara Yoga, we start with the assumption that everything in the world is an embodiment of Supreme Consciousness, which at it’s core, is pulsating with love and joy.  Everything we are and do is made up of that, so when you meditate, you’re plugging into the highest flow of Consciousness that is the core of all things.  The theory is that we’re hard-wired in this way, so you tap into the mother board when you sit and give yourself time inside.  That is the core power that drives every part of who you are, what you do, and what you say.  It governs your thoughts, words, actions, and perceptions.
  
His Holiness The Dalai Lama offers this: “Be sure to spend at least 30 minutes alone every day, to examine yourself, and figure out what you want.”

That sounds way more powerful than strong abs.

holy cow, its gonna be dark

5:10pm, Sunday.  It's nighttime already.  Dusk is done.  Done at 4:30, maybe, if that.  I've come to appreciate this time of year way more recently, upon beginning a meditation practice almost a year ago.  yes, i said it.  I am a certified yoga teacher and didn't have a regular practice till one year ago.  (Cue yoga police!)   I do now, and I sought one because I was ready to go deeper inside my sadhana, my heart, and my Self.  I was ready to go into the dark.

I remember years ago Amy taught a class around this time, and admitted to not liking the dark days of winter too much.  She then offered her own work of yoga in finding the light in the dark, ie, she got creative with her inward time.  She prompted the students to each come up with something they liked about the darker days and longer nights, and share it out loud.  People said things like baking, reading, watching movies, knitting, cuddling with the kids/pooch/kitty/sweetie, etc.  I'll never forget this because it offered me a chance to actually seek something different out of what i didn't really like, as I've also been a winter-hater.  In a sense, it taught me to do some yoga, and find an expansion where I felt a contraction.

Tuesday marks the Solstice for us, the beginning of winter, when the earth will be at its lowest point below the sun before it begins its upward turn again.  The Solstice is almost like time standing still for a brief moment, and we'll be heralded into the greatest amount of dark for the year.  We'll have the longest night, literally.  Part of the natural cycle, 2010's annual cropped-day will occur on a full moon.  Wait, it gets better- It's also a lunar eclipse!  Holy cow, it's gonna be dark.

This is a rare alignment, and one that hasn't happened in over 400 years.  Full Moon's bring additional energetic alignments that enhance whatever is going on at that time. Astrologers call eclipses 'portals', and often describe them paradoxically being about absorbing what you're ready to shed, and renewing your sense of purpose.  So everything this week is being pushed a little bit...more.  This alignment is a perfect Tantric paradox, and it's a chance to align to both creation and dissolution, to renewal and letting go. 

Our extra darkness can be a gateway, and I plan on using it as one.  Over the next week I encourage asana, to move any of the stuck energy in your body and jostle up what you are longing to shed.  And I encourage meditation, to open that inner portal for dissolution to happen, and expand in the dark.
After all, everything germinates and grows in the dark.  In the days that follow the Solstice/full moon/eclipse, it will be super dark.  Little bits of light will slowly and progressively increase and reappear, but there's no rush.  I like the dark now. 



fyi, many of you ask about my favorite astrologers, and my current fav is on maternity leave!  Happy New Motherhood Divine Harmony.  

(that picture is what our eclipse would look like, were we standing on the moon's surface.  our view, if lucky enough to catch it, will be of a the moon as a red glowing ball.  Not bad.)

kula as core

My search for the meaning of ‘core’ in yoga continues.  Amidst the holiday rush, i’m managing to stay pretty grounded.  Asana certainly helps, as does meditation, and I’ll dive more into that in my next blog.

This week I celebrated my birthday, and as usual for a full time yoga teacher living and working in the hustle of NYC, I took a yoga class to celebrate.  How perfect!  Maybe that’s not so typical for some teachers out there, but when I take a yoga class its more than just moving my body, so it feels like a party. Plus, it’s a chance to connect to a community I think of as home.  In sanskrit, the word is ‘kula’.

Kula though is more than just community.  Its a gathering of ideas and hearts, as well as people who center around a common belief, practice or idea.  In some sense, each kula has a bindu (sometimes defined as “the point or center of something that opens again into an expansion”, or “where the unity becomes the many”)  in the form of its values, a core central belief that is a common thread that each great soul has a link to.  Or the teacher or guru is the core.  When I think of the core of my practice, i often think of my kula.  The people that I choose to practice yoga with, share conversation with, my ‘kalyana mitra’, or those I’m engaged in ‘spiritual friendship’ with, matter deeply in the practice.  When I practice on my own without the kula, they are invoked.   The kula as core of yoga is significant if you are like me, and value living fully in the world as a householder rather than a renunciant.  

Sorta like my other great experience from my birthday, which happened because of Facebook.  Hundreds of people wrote on my wall sending wishes and love, and it dawned on me, that on that day, I was the core too.

when did yoga turn into an abs class?

I have lost count of how many times I’ve taught bakasana (crow pose) in a yoga class, and a student who is having difficulty says to me “My core isn’t strong enough, right?” I often get befuddled before answering because there are so many things involved in learning challenging poses.

My answer is always governed by looking at the students’ general alignment, actions in the pose, and even their attitude.  Students often mean their abdominal area when they say ‘core,’ and this probably comes from many teachers and styles of yoga emphasizing ab strength as the meaning of core strength.  But what  about the spine?  Isn’t the spine the central channel and true middle of the body too?  If you look at yoga as a spiritual practice (which it is), why wouldn’t we think then of the heart as the core?  Or the mind, since its also a meditative practice?

And when did the yoga practice turn into an abdominal exercise class?

The dictionary defines of the word ‘core’ as “the central part of a fleshy fruit, containing the seeds.”  Secondly, “the innermost or most essential part  of anything”.  From these definitions I can see the assumption of the core to be the abdominal area. But I guess it’s about your perspective, and where you sit that will lead you to determine the most essential part of who you are and what you are.

As a spiritual practice, I’d define the core as ‘heart’ in my Anusara practice. Like a work-in-progress since the moment of birth, this life is an offering for us into an awakening of heart, if we choose.  Our bodies, hearts and minds are none other than embodied forms of Spirit, and when we breathe and move at the same time in asana, we are creating a relationship with Spirit and an awakening can happen.

“Core” is the word I am hearing all over these days and it has come to mean just one thing. I see it shifting, as often and as quickly as the asanas do in class, depending on where you sit in yourself that day.  Maybe you need the core of your practice to be more inward to settle your mind.  Or, maybe you’re working with an injury and you need to focus on particular actions to  clear it  These too could be interpreted as core power.  Over the next few weeks, I’ll be examining different aspects of core power, from many perspectives. Travel with me.

(from www.yogacitynyc.com - 12/11/10)

How To for "Littles": Learn to safely spot bigger students in Handstand...

rise up!

For the past 2 days,  I've taken some rare time off to attend a Level 2 Teacher Training with Ross Rayburn and Amy Ippoliti, held in New Jersey.   The theme of the training is 'going to the next level'.  How appropriate in a room of already skilled teachers, but what does that really mean?  An on-going contemplation I've been embracing for some time.  Catapulted by a swell of amazing teachers in our tri-state area, or Tri Kula,  this TT is long overdue.   Following the Tantric teachings, the world is constantly growing and changing, nature is always renewing itself, and we can too.  We're never stuck, and we're not supposed to stay the same.  How cool is that??  It totally affirms that we can want more. 

Conversely, it can also be quite friggin' intimidating.  All this impulse from the heart to grow can be met with fierce resistance from the mind.  How do you rise up despite, and with sometimes even a hostile refusal from your own mind?  Hell,  I love stability!  In fact, the loyalty and integrity that is so deeply part of my personality and my actions can also be quite a shadow and present challenge.  The usual in an 'ujjani' (upside down) world, where every asset is equally a liability at times.  So resisting change is a common condition among us,  myself included.  Even change that asks you to simply step into your greatness. 

Rising up is also as natural as waking up every morning.  A new day.  A new chance.  Start fresh.  Go again.  So grateful.  And grateful more for the kula surrounding every day's chance to rise up.  The kula is not just a group of friends, even though it most certainly is.  It's a group of individuals that when they gather, increase the vibration of whatever you're doing together and will hold you accountable to step up, or do things that are good for you.  The kula shares this bond of wanting to rise, both individually, for each other, and for the whole. 

In teacher training, trainees are asked to step into the fire of their greatest challenges... often.  I've been there many times, and let me tell you it can be one of the most frightening and blood-pressure-elevating experiences.  Standing in a room of your peers, students, teachers, and friends and put on the spot to teach can be terrifying, no matter what level you are since every level has a next level.  And then it happens... you wait, your mind expands and heart softens simultaneously and your sense of hearing returns.  What you couldn't hear or see, previously blocked from fear and self doubt begins to dissolve, then vanish.  We watched this numerous times in the past 2 days.  To see one person deepen their understanding of themselves, brave the fire of learning to alchemize their shadows into light,  refine how they speak,  learn to listen to feedback and then apply it immediately, and get stronger as an example for all of us is so incredibly uplifting.   It gives everyone a blessing to do the same. To witness the alchemy is astounding, and pushes each person a notch higher to their own transformation.  I loved seeing the room light up.

And when you meet your next level, even if only once, it means you can do it again.  In the classroom, with your partner, with your children, with a parent, with yourself.   In fact if you lean in and listen a little closer, you'd hear it saying as if in a quiet chant, "I'm not leaving.  Rise up.  Come meet me". 

Hard to summarize the past 2 days worth of events and experiences happening here at the Grand Gathering.  The Gathering is all at once yoga blitz (2 challenging classes a day! Christina Sell, you rocked my world!), kula reunion, mega love-fest, and Immersion into the heart of Anusara Yoga.  In this isolated, yet majestic setting of Estes Park, the magnet holding us together is John Friend, although it isn't just John -- it's the love of life, our common interest of asking questions of life, and discovering ways to become better servants of it.   

It's a perfect setting really for going deeper inside, in all ways.  Aside from the great teachers/presenters here offering their individual insights and inspiration on this yoga of the heart, we are lucky to have Douglas and Sally here offering what they offer.  A spontaneous addition to the Panel Discussion on Monday night was Eric Shaw.  He was articulate and full of knowledge on the subject of yoga history, and added plenty to the conversation.  The conversation was varied, from Hanuman stories to the necessity of the Guru,  sex and yoga, vegetarianism, and the ubiquitous question of reconciling evil in the world.  A true example of kula, in that we don't learn by ourselves, and that the kula is the guru.  Interestingly, John elucidated 2 levels of teachers - pundit and guru, and added a third, one he called Charya.

Charya is one who is masterful, studied, and full of knowledge.  It means to say that he or she has put hours of study and practice into the subject, and can speak more fully from the heart of the experience, rather than just from the definition of the experience.  I've learned this through teaching yoga with themes, realizing over and over that when I'm more saturated in and by what I'm offering, my students are led straight to their heart, their minds soften, and transformation begins/continues.

Yes, I know I'm plugging my Immersion at Yogaworks beginning mid October, but the Immersion is such a program that offers the seeker a chance to step more closely to their own level of charya.  Immersing in the teachings and practice in intense bursts of time, then letting some time to pass before taking the next one. gives time to install it into your life.  Sianna Sherman, a stunning master of poetic heart, word, and body joined as one, called vinyasa "an instillation of prana that permeates every movement, every experience".  This is a perfect way to describe what happens in the Immersions.  A great allowing of this instillation to occur, as if the sweetness of the teachings were like honey, smoothly permeating every inch of your being, heart, mind, word, thought, and action. 

I am not without a staggering amount of gratitude as well for how I got here.  Yesterday/today is the Autumn Equinox.  Its one of the midway points where we sit in samastitihi, or balance.  John called it a 'tipping point', which is an excellent description of being on the verge of change.  Sitting in the middle it is a time to look back at the last 6 months or so and choose how you want to move forward.  I have so much gratitude for even further back to a year and a half ago when my life shifted, and I found a new home at Yogaworks Soho.  When YW Soho opened, they held a referral contest for teachers to bring in new students, and I won this contest.  It is the first time I've won anything, and the grand prize was entry into a Yoga Journal Conference of my choice.  So in a curious way,  I got 'the lucky', and I am here by the Grace of my students,  to whom I send endless gratitude toward.   Maha love y'all.

more soon...

no expiration date

Arrived today at Estes Park for the 2nd Grand Gathering, and let me tell you, my heart's already been mushed open.  You see,  I'm certified.  As a love muffin.  I do all I can to feel love, inspire love, and promote love in myself and in others.  Since love is simply the thread that holds us all together and withstands all trials of life, it doesn't expire.  It doesn't get old, really.  It may change direction, but it never looses power.  It has longevity in life, and so long as we practice creating it and living it, it has no expiration date.  "Love is stronger than Fear", offered Des.

Tonight, as John Friend gave the keynote speech welcoming students and teachers to this 3 day gathering of like minds, he immediately did what is called Kuladipa - he lit the lamp of the kula with simply his words.  He spoke in future tense, not just present tense, and offered his vision of the gathering as a way of saying "may it be so", and his ability to do this is one of his many gifts.  He always does that, and it's unique among the great teachers out there today.  He's a visionary.

My heart melted into the great fabric of our global collective as each of the 12 or so presenters/teachers spoke to the question, What has shifted for you in the last 2 years (since the first GG in 2008), in your life and practice?  Such stunning and beautiful and candid responses from my peers, teachers, and friends on stage.  Their answers were examples of why we all study and practice Anusara yoga - on every level, it's a practice of enhancing the quality of your life.  Isn't that what your yoga should do?

It of course led me to contemplate my own transitions of the last 2 years.  Some of the biggest shifts have come more recently, as an increase in my capacity to listen.   I owe much of it to my meditation practice, and the outstanding and deeply penetrating words of my teacher Paul.  More than anything, my practice has proved itself to be an anchor for me in hard times when I'm most challenged to take a close look at myself and improve how I impact the landscape of the world.  My practice continues to do what it originally set out to do, so long as I practice it.  It can't have an expiration date that way!

More tomorrow.

burn where you are

The change from Summer to Fall can be quite a challenging one.  Shifting gears from extended weekends back to longer work hours, school starting again, and ever so slowly, feeling the touch of cooler air and shorter days can be a downright bummer.   I usually make a list of things I love about Fall, to help me get psyched.  My schedule is full (more classes in Brooklyn!  check my website), and my private clients are back in town, friends are returning from summers away, so there's lots to look forward to.  But since my first experience with Burning Man in 2000,  I've added a fire ceremony into my intention setting.

Burning Man is a one week experience of experimental community living set in a stark desert in Nevada.  Really out in the middle of nowhere.  There are so many levels of amazing-ness that one can have at the Burn.  Fitting to what I study with Douglas Brooks and Rajanaka Yoga, the Burn is also an experiment in Radical Self Reliance and Radical Self Expression.  Its an art festival, hippie gathering,  city of fantasy, music and dance party, and Kula-Gone-Wild within the boundaries that being in the desert instill upon you.  It is one of the most radical experiences of Freedom you could ever have, even though its not really free, it costs money, and there are plenty of terms to agree upon.  But hey, that's embodied life anyway.  I've gone twice, and I have only seen or heard a pin-head of what it conjured up for some folks.  Its one of those trips that leaves such an imprint, and deeply shifts every person from inside out, and its radically different every year.  Sorta like your yoga is, and can do.

Fire is a powerful metaphor of, and tool for transformation.  The Tantric traditions view fire as the space of our own Consciousness, where all things liquefy together.  Our yoga practices can be used to ignite the fire of Consciousness with the intention to heat, and inevitably melt away what's no longer needed so what remains is purified, streamlined, and crystalized.    "Fire has a nectar at its core" as taught by my teacher Paul.  Sometimes we do need to cast off the old ways, tired relationships, and attitudes that have held us back from simply being our best.

These practices of igniting "tapas" or heat into what you are doing are not only about burning away or purifying -- like there's something 'dirty' or 'impure' about you -- rather, consider tapasya as a burning into newness.  The burning is never about simply nothingness to the Tantric practitioners, for nothingness isn't possible in our embodied life, nor is it respectful to the Divine that has chosen our loveliness and all it entails as its form.   It is paradoxically both a burning away, and a burning toward.

Burning Man taught me many things, aside from how life affirming it feels to live with thousands of   like-minded beings focused on radical self expression and self reliance, keeping safe, yet exploring the boundary of fun.  One thing I have come away with is a knowing that I can transform anything burdening me through practices of burning and melting.  Once the heavy is heated, melted, and dissolved to ash, what remains re-coaleses and becomes the source of power for transformation.  This is the practice of asana, as well as meditation.   So at the end of this week, on Saturday,  50,000 will gather around a 40' effigy of a man and watch it burn from very explosive and celebratory beginning, all the way down to the last ember 12-24 hours later.  Watching it go out is like cleaning and purifying the diamond of your heart. 

What i really learned from the Burn is this little saying "burn where you are"-- you don't have to be in a desert to experience the same kind of power of your own transformation.  It can happen here, right where you are, whenever you're ready to stoke your inner fire to do so, with any ritual you design.  So every year at this time, planning for the remainder of the year,  I burn.  I burn sitting in a place of respect and love for myself and the work I've done, and I burn away what will simply not serve me in serving and collaborating with the world as fully as possible.  And I burn continually toward, and into, my own refinement, polishing and reshaping who I am.  

Love to my playa family.

Little fact:  Black Rock Desert is transformed into Black Rock City.  Once built and at full capacity, it becomes one of the 10 largest cities in the state of Nevada.  Then it is dissolves, like the fire itself, and there is no trace of it.  Until next year.  Happy Burn!

rained out

I have a phobia.

I've had this phobia since college, and for the obvious reason, i've been asked by the universe, and the deepest part of myself to overcome this phobia.  This morning I was scheduled to teach a large outdoor class at Bryant Park, a-la Yoga On The Great Lawn.  With the threat of rain, it was Y@GL redux, as the Bryant Park class was canceled, and last year i was rained out too.

whew.

This fear is of microphones, and sorta of public speaking.  Hilarious, right?  I'm a yoga teacher.  I get up in front of sometimes (what I would consider) large groups of people, and talk to them. 
Prepping for last year's angst filled class, i asked Elena Brower, who is so experienced and skilled with large group teaching (even better now, I'll bet) for some pointers and advice.  She said "mind your p's and t's cause they pop.  You must remember to cover the mic if you have to cough or clear your throat.  Chanting is ok, but don't be alarmed that you can't hear them, they can hear you.  Speak from your heart and they will FEEL you".  It was great advice, and I was so ready.

But got rained out.  whew.

In a simple google search on 'fear of microphones', something called PPF - Paralyzing Presentation Fear, also associated with just the fear of public speaking, came up.  Who knew Fear of Microphones had a diagnosis? 

Some great tips I found on www.ezinearticles.com were fairly obvious, like do some breathing techniques before a presentation.  While I no longer really  have the huge fear of public speaking when I can't catch my breath, i do generally take time before all classes I teach to get centered.  If there's time and space, I'll meditate for a few minutes.  If not, I just get quiet, review my class plan, and breathe into the space I know and trust in myself.  

The first time I taught yoga, it was during our final presentation from Teacher Training with Amy Ippoliti, circa 2002.  We each had to teach one pose to the group.  That's it, one pose.  The poses got chosen randomly by Amy, and I got Tadasana.  Easy, right?  Mountain pose; basic, easy, simple.  Even when the poses were assigned, like, weeks before the actual date of our Final Presentation,  my anxiety was huge.  I mean sweating, heart-beating-fast, near paralyzing fear just thinking about having to teach this pose in front of my 25 peers.   We had to give a brief intro of our theme, then teach the pose to the group, and I'll never forget or appreciate enough the way my peers gathered around with such glee and pride for me in their eyes while I spoke of Tadasana, the mountain, and the majestic beauty and steadiness of our core that is always present.  And then i let it rip.  I truly don't remember what came out of my mouth as I was teaching, but something shifted, and I think it is because my heart knew the way. 

This article I read also spoke of a few more tips.  One was to know your material.  I think that's what happens when my heart knows the way.  Anytime you study something over a long period of time, knowledge builds, so confidence in that knowledge builds.  Abhyasa is the sanskrit word for 'practice over a long period of time',  and it references how things we embark upon usually don't come to fruition immediately.  Everything needs time to germinate, grow, and fully blossom.  Everything, so even things you're trying to get over, or rid of.  (See Bernie Birney's blog).  Along the way there may be some mistakes - I'm sure today I would've forgotten I was wearing a mic at some point when I had to clear my throat and blown everyone's eardrums, or just startled the heck out of myself.
Mistakes are intrinsic to abhyasa, and considered in the Tantric tradition to be part of the fullest full spectrum of possibility to see, witness and embody in this life.  Patanjali speaks to this in the Yoga Sutras (1.13-1.15), and says that through abhyasa, one reaches vairagya (no, not viagra, although my teacher thinks they may be linguistically related). Vairagya is considered 'non-attachment', but its also a learning to let go of the aversions and fears, and even the false beliefs that cloud the true Self.  And uh, yea, it takes time.

So it's taken some practice for sure.  Teaching steadily since that fateful March day in 2002, in front of my beloved teacher and my peers who, to this day, still stand in front of me with glee and pride in their eyes, I have grown.  Now I actually love teaching large groups because the bigger reason is bigger than my fear.  I love connecting to people.   Sharing with them my love of this practice, its teachings, and the wisdom from my teachers is priceless.  Seeing student's leave a class beaming with a renewed sense of their own beauty is pricelss. 

But that damn microphone is gonna have to wait.  Rain date: September?

how will i walk today?

In the midst of the turmoil happening in the Gulf, my teachers and peers are offering great and valuable insight toward a yogic way of dealing with this tragedy.  Unfortunately, this problem is long standing, and not going away soon.  You don't need to see another picture of a pelican drenched in oil to realize the scope.  It hurts, and it sucks to watch. 

My own response has been to be way more mindful in how I use all forms of energy.  External uses of energy like electricity, gasoline, and even money, along with my physical, emotional and spiritual energy.  I'm consciously holding myself away from those people and events that stress me out.  It's one of the greatest ways to physically stay cool in the alarming heat happening here in NY too. 

A recent teleconference with my teacher Paul made a simple, yet profound statement.  He was talking about what he called the 'seasons of sadhana', and how, as we increase our practices of yoga, pranayama, mantra recitation and especially meditation, we may face conflict and challenge in keeping on the path.  It's hard daily to create change when you've been doing something in a certain way for so, so long.  But he offered this bit of knowing, this small statement of wisdom and reverence to the shakti that is unstoppable, no matter the conflict inward:


How will I walk today?


So simple.  So profound.  As if to say, which way will I turn?  Which words will I choose?  Who will I choose to accompany me today?  All come back to the simplicity of thinking about how you choose each day to walk your path, to create your path and walk it, even when we want to give it up.  And boy, I've been challenged to give up many, many times.  


Now to make these changes in saving our energy, both the energy that gives us all the things that make us privileged on this planet, and the energy that makes us valuable to our families, students, peers, and kula. How do we do it?  Alone and together?  


Alone, I'm conserving everything whenever possible.  Like I said above, even my inner heart's resources and shakti from those people who try to rob me of it, or I tend to be very loose around and give it away to, often too freely, must be protected like a priceless resource. 

I've been thinking about the fossil fuels that are in our planet and we get all of our stuff from.  We certainly have benefited from foraging that fuel, in too many ways to count.  Obviously it's the abuse of our foraging that's gotten us into huge trouble.  While we do need it, everybody needs it and sees its value.  What is the fossil fuel innate to each of us that is invaluable, crucial to our survival, and worthy of using or giving away?  I say it's Love.  It's the ultimate source of what is unstoppable on our planet, and we need it for our survival.  Despite the challenge, daily sometimes, my practice has been to try walking every day, inviting that which is most high and beautiful and nourishing inside to be summoned forth into the world.


Speaking to my friend who is from New Orleans today, we thought together about the events as being simply an experience of rasa.  Rasa means 'essence' or 'taste', and it is often used to describe the myriad of emotional states (there are 9 rasas) that we experience.  I called them a 'soup', she called them a 'gumbo'.  Perfect way to describe how so many varied emotional responses can arise from a tragedy like this:


Shanta Rasa is the emotional state of peace, tranquility.  
Shringara Rasa is passionate love.
Hasya is laughter or lightheartedness.
Raudra is fury, anger.
Karuna is compassion.
Bhibatsam is disgust, or aversion.
Bhayanaka is horror, terror.
Vira rasa is heroic.
Adbhuta is wonder, or amazement.

The point of studying the Rasas, from a Tantric perspective, is to come to appreciate and acknowledge the 'soup' we live in.  The daily soup moves and changes, perhaps through all of them (as any young or new mother), and our work in the yoga is to navigate them.  Figure out which rasa is worthy of lingering in, and for how long.  My New Orleans friend was saying that right now, people could use a bit more Bhibatsam (disgust) in them, so radical change could be made.  When angry and disgusted enough, you'll make change.  The rasas are here for us to grow more empowered in our state of affairs, not simply sit in the hot soup of it all. 

So how will you walk today?

A portal

While last Tuesday was the Solstice, this past Saturday we experienced a partial lunar eclipse.  Eclipses are pretty powerful no matter when they occur, and astrologers call them 'portals'.  I see them functioning as black holes since they draw energies into intense action for change, deconstruction, and transformation of all kinds.

Astrology to some is a lark, and those who study astrology get labeled bad fortune tellers sometimes.  I myself see it as the perfect balanced alignment between science and art.  The science of reading the sky is interpreted many different ways, and each astrologer offers something unique.  My fav as of late is Divine Harmony, and I always love the humor and insight of Rob Brezney.  (I miss his columns in NYC!) 

As a portal for change, eclipses can bring quickening energy, so like a black hole which sucks things toward it and gets faster the closer you get to it, the days and months prior to the eclipse can do the same.  Perhaps you have felt some kind of transit as far back as January or February of this year?  I know I did.  For me, I'm into anything that offers insight and empowerment in making more conscious choices that will assist the changes.  The yoga of astrology!

While eclipses can be so potent, disorienting even because they move things quickly, what's great to remember is the teaching of purna.  Purna is sanskrit for 'fullness' or 'completeness', and refers to the 100 percent-ness of our nature.   Whatever our soul or life needs, we are sufficiently suited to serve that change, even if things move at rapid pace.  The changes on the outside may seem 'good' or
'bad', but dealing with a your own rebirth or metaphoric death is where yoga steps in.  Purna teaches that we have what it takes to assist the flow, and deal with the results.  At this time, we're all being asked to step up into the next level.  Ushered there by nature, its hard to ignore. 

ps - total eclipse of the sun happens on July 11th.  A potent day of rebirth for me.  More soon.

check out Divine Harmony's blog:  inharmonyastrology.blogspot.com

New York's One Heart

 Tuesday nights amazing event on the Great Lawn did everything it set out to do, even though it may have been the shortest largest yoga class in the US!  The performers were inspiring, funny and completely represented New York culture while thousands of yogis shuffled into the park.  And I mean thousands.  My favorite part was being able to see and feel the entire tribe of yoga come together, completely free of all boundaries. 

Then Elena rocked it for 10 minutes!   The parks department shut the event down, and the skies opened up.  Like a perfect cleansing. 

Honoring the event this week in class, we'll finish the class.
Until the rain date is set...

Check out this clip from Ch. 11 news

momentum

Today will be a day in New York history when 10,000 +  align and entrain on the Great Lawn in Central Park for a yoga class and other performances marking the Summer Solstice.   Created by Flavorpill, they tell us that the registered number is up to 12,5k already, but knowing new yorkers with busy lives and the forecast predicting thunderstorms, it may shrivel to the original number of 10k.  Still... woa!  The convergence of that much shakti will surely bring ripples of something through our sultry streets.  I'm so excited to be assisting this event, and the buzz has been building for weeks (now, days).  Collective consciousness, New York style.  Gotta love it.

The Solstice is the middle of the year, the height of light beaming down upon us, and like a birthday of sorts.  I treat it as a time to see where I've been placing momentum, and see if its serving me.  I do that on birthdays too, since it allows perspective for where I'm going.  Since Solstice is primarily when nature is also at its fullest and we experience the longest day of the year, there's a natural pull to move, to be outside, to love!  The question is, what's moving?  Is it the right thing moving for you at this time?

There is a Buddhist saying "The cart will follow the ox", and it's about momentum.  You'll go where your mind is going, and patterns are there because you've put time and energy there.   Force fields entrain, and the higher frequency field of thought, word, or action will always lead the weaker one.  So on this Solstice, I'm looking at what I've been focusing on, and asking myself, does it still serve?

I'm stoked that Anusara Yoga is headlining this event through Elena Brower's voice, presence and sweet bhavana.    I can think of no one better skilled to hold the space for the New York yoga community to align with our highest intentions at this critical time in our global economy, politics, and environmental concerns.   Lets do it people - set the tone from here on out and guide your cart in the direction for greater harmony and love.  One Om.  10,000 people. 

oh, and my parents will be here.  Another monumental event! 

om namahshivaya

Julie and Susanna lost somewhere in the forest of the Tillai trees.

The subtext

Alright, i'm on board. 

After many requests for me to start a blog, here it is.  Like my initial foray into Facebook, i see this as an experiment in how to fuel remembrance of connection - to the kula, to our family, to friends we thought long gone, and to the wisdom in our hearts.  And it feels like it will be a good outlet to expand upon my oft times wildly deep themes in class.  I've got to keep those intros brief you know, we've got asana to do.


I'm fascinated by mythology.  It's actually what initially drew me to Anusara® Yoga, primarily through the story of Nataraja.  Amy Ippoliti was my first Anusara teacher at Crunch gym on Broadway, and I'll never forget the day she animated the tale of the great lord Shiva as the dancer in the forest of the Tillai trees.  The myth spoke to the wanderings of my own heart, and what it was for me a decade ago or more to be seeking an ecstatic experience of joy.  I'm still seeking the ecstatic experience, daily!   Now I've been taught by great teachers and masters of many traditions how to find it.  Look inside the heart, and underneath the mist.  Look for the subtext of the story.


Mythology is everywhere, especially on TV.  I will happily admit to being a "Lostie".  I friggin' loved the show, and anyone in my classes last week heard me speak of why.  Mostly its a fantastic premise of the possibilities in life.  What would happen if... you had to form a society with people you don't know and didn't choose to be with.  So un-like our modern lives where we live more in the paradigm of choice.  So the show presented challenges of simply how to get along.


In Hindu myths, often the scenes of gods, demons, heroines and sages are battling, and battling the same things.  Their stories take place on battlefields, in dense forests, in the vastness of the sky, or the wild churnings of the oceans.   The Island in Lost had all of these elements.  Wandering through the jungle is roaming the inner landscape of your emotions, and things always got heated on those long walks, day or night, for the characters.   The oceans in Hindu myth are mirrors of the great flow of consciousness itself, and when it stirs or even churns wildly, it's the call of the great Light to awaken inside your own very heart.  How could you not wander into your own reflection when staring out at the beauty of the wild sea? 


My conclusion of the show Lost was as obvious as everyone else's (even before Jacob actually said this);  these were people we knew, (or even some of us) who were so disconnected from their heart, they felt 'lost'; purposeless, skeptical of life's goodness, ignorant to the laws of life, and simply had lack of faith.


The great sage Paramahansa Yogananda teaches 3 paths to healing the Being through yoga, and gaining freedom from a variety of suffering.  He first teaches to heal the physical body.  Many traditions and cultures teach this.  When the body is well fed and taken care of, physiological functioning returns on all levels (Hello, Jack Shepard was an MD).  The second thing Yogananda teaches to heal is the mental constructs that make disease, like fear and anger.  But deeper, the psychological bad habits that we all fall into like failure consciousness, feeling a lack of initiative, and lack of confidence (In my opinion? John Locke).  The third thing he offers is the healing of Spiritual diseases like indifference, and spiritual blindness.  'Lost' was a great myth of the 3 Paths of Life, and each character went through some kind of awakening as a yogi (and I won't say more in case any of you are going to catch it on Netflix).

Remember we define 'yoga' in Anusara not as 'union', referring to a prior separateness, but as engagement.  From the Shiva Shakti Tantric perspective, the body, heart and mind are already in union with the Divine. Shiva, the great Absolute, the Supreme is simply manifest as You, as Shakti, and the two remain in communion in you as you for as long as she'll breathe you.  The terms of our Island, our life, are a given.  Deal with when you don't have choice, and must accept.  Our yoga is simply to awaken to this experience of communing with the Divine and engage it fully, in the shadows of the forest, and the clarity of the sea.  Each character rediscovered or renewed their sense of purpose, their dharma, from the interaction with the Dharma Initiative.  And man, it's a long, very challenging journey, but so worth while.


This is going to be fun.